West of Somewhere

All You Wanted And All You Need

I’m at one of those points again. I hate being at these points. I am so not attracted to anyone right now. No crushes. No denial. I’m just uninterested in everyone. Well that’s boring. And depressing. When I get like this is just wish that I could have a good relationship with someone right now. I mean, the last relationship I had was two years ago. And since then I’ve had these… flings. Whatever. Mostly physical stuff. :[ Sadness. And today I sat here and thought about how much that sucks. Lonely is not fun.

Yes, this is better than being in pain. I hate the pain. But I wish I would feel something. You know, I go back and think about this. What if I’m just not letting myself feel. I have that ability you know. I can put up a stone wall. Because the emotional pain of someone not loving you back fucking sucks. Why would I ever want to go through that again? Why give myself the chance? Then I think about it more…. And I just don’t know.

This has been an emotionally trying day. With myself. *Sigh*

I Picture You In The Sun

So, I’ve been very busy as of late. It’s a really good thing for me. And a really bad thing for my blog. Because, well, I’ve been too busy to write. That’s not really true. I’ve had time. There has just been way too much to talk about. I wish that I had just buckled down and done it though. I love going back and reading my posts. To be honest, I forget some things and the blogs remind me what it really was like. And this summer has been awesome. But I’m going to lose so much of it. Sad pandas.

We can go over a few general facts; I’ve been spending an ass load of my time with Amanda Anderson. She’s the shit. I love listening to t.A.T.u. with her. And watching Grey’s of Nowhere. :] Good times.

My birthday was pretty much the best day of my summer. It is one that I will want to remember forever. Which is why I should have written a blog about it. Oh well, I have  to be good enough.

Hmm… sadly, I start school pretty soon. :[ Depressing I know. It starts on the 28. Of this months. Can we all say "Ewww" please? 

My Border's bracelet broke six days before the 20th of July. The 20th being exactly one year after I put it on. It got caught in the swing chain when I was pushing my nephew. It was a very sad moment. I was going to take it off on the 20th... SIX DAYS AWAY! Oh well, there's nothing to be done about it now. 

Umm... so, I've been watching The L-Word a lot lately. I frakking love that show. There is a lot of sex in it. That's fine. It's just not really what I'm used to seeing in a tv show. Somehow I find it highly refreshing. They speak and act like real people. That's nice to watch. I love Alice. She rocks my socks. So does Tina. :] 

I got a new laptop on the 5th of June. I love him. His name is Mac and he is a mac. I don’t say “Can you hand me my mac?” it would be “Can you hand me Mac?” Mac has a name, and I use it. And so will you! I’m on Mac now. He’s a cool guy to type on. I love Mac. I’ve never had a mac before, so this is new and cool for me. 

This is the point in the blog where I realize that I’ve been talking for a long time now, but can’t remember what about. It’s pretty strange. I really would like to blog more. I honestly enjoy it. I just don’t like the thought of it. This is hard to explain, so I won’t try any longer.

So yeah, that was me. An update on me. don’t bitch about the length because I haven’t written a real blog in a very long time.