West of Somewhere

But Our Ships Not Coming Back

I’ve just downloaded an obscene amount of music (4.32 GB.) Although I did have to fix the artist/titles of 478 songs. That didn’t talk long at all. *Shifty eyes* :] Yeah, but I got some really awesome stuff. I’ve heard a lot of it, but didn’t have have it before. Now I do have it, and I’m happy. I’ve also picked up a good amount that I didn’t know existed. 

I’m kind of hung up on “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” the Love version. It’s excellent. But, I had that before. I just thought that I’d throw that in. I did, however, download a lot of The Beatles. Which is saying something. Because before last night I had… a lot. A lot. Trust me.

So yeah, I’m in a damn good mood. Hells yes. And I’m going to go take a shower and then drive over to H&M. This day is looking good.

The Sound of Silence (Live)

Believe (Sun Version)

While My Guitar Gently Weeps (Love Version)

I Don’t Know What’s Worth Fighting For

I can’t do this anymore. And I don’t want to. I won’t do this anymore. I’m not happy. I’m not happy at all right now. Okay friends of mine, I’m taking your advice (finally.) And I’m not just emotional right now, I’m serious. I know I’ll be okay though. I’ll be fine. I’l be fine. 

“You build me up, to break me down. Pull me in, to shove me out. I’m going down down down.”

Common Reaction

So, last night I was kind of emo. Not really kind of. More like totally and completely. It was quite pathetic. It truly was. And I knew it at the time too. I just couldn’t help myself.  People make me sad. And I’m not being mysterious here. If you want to know who I’m talking about, you can ask me. I’ve come to the realization that I need to be more careful about what I say on my blog. You never know who is going to tell my mom about it. 

Anyway, so people are really letting me down here. But not really at the same time. I know that I’m not in the wrong. Because in my situation, there is no wrong. No one is right. I don’t own anyone. I understand this. But I am possessive. I like to know that people are mine and I am theirs. It’s a security thing. I like the feeling. And I know I’m somewhat of a hypocrite. I love my freedom; I hate feeling boxed in. But I don’t want to box anyone. I just want clarity in my relationships. Like I said, I like knowing. 

And I hate losing people. It’s painful. I don’t want to got through that again. Not at all. But at this point I don’t think that there is much that I can do. That would be on the “boxing in” level. I don’t want to be that person. I won’t be that person.

I hate hearing it, but keep telling me.

Constrict

It hurts my heart.
A physical ache.
When I see it.
Hear it.
I don’t like this.
I don’t like them.
I just want you.
Please.

I Don’t Know How To Let It Go

The whole idea of writing a blog on paper is an odd and slightly painful one. I don’t like my handwriting much at all. It’s not pretty to look at. Plus it’s slow. And also, I love feeling my blogs. Losing myself in them. Simply writing without thinking. Handwriting is far too tedious to keep up with that. Blogging is my little outlet. I’m trying to apply that same free spiritedness to this “post,” but it’s rather difficult. Grammatical errors and fragmented sentences seem so much worse on paper. The words aren’t exactly flowing here like I want them to. And I have a cramp in my hand. Already.

Later today, before work, I’m going to paint my room. (I never did get around to doing it today. Kthanks.) It’ll be gray. I like that color. I’m wearing lot’s of it right now. I’m in a gray jacking and have gray and white velcro Vans on.

I’m soo so very tired. I wish I was still in bed. Last night I was talking to Beau about how my middle school started at 9:20. Those were the days. I think I would be a much happier person all around if I didn’t have to be in class by 7:20 this morning. I thought it sucked before, but now I have an hour commute on top of that. Joy.

In other news, I bought a prom dress on Saturday evening. And my heels of death. I love both of them. I went with my momma and we were in and out of there. Seriously, I think we spent 30 minutes looking around, 15 minutes for me trying them on, and 10 minutes in line. The shoes were a separate purchase, but only about 10 minute was spent there as well. For prom shopping, that’s freaking amazing. My dress is lacy and hangs just above my knees. My heels of death… well they hurt like a bitch. Seriously. But I like them a lot. I’ll but in a picture.

Just to get some perspective, this is already well over a page on paper. *Sigh* This class is boring the hell out of me. I would much rather be at home sleeping. Or typing this. Or anything really. No, I know what I want, would love to be in my Graphic Design class right now. I love Graphic Design. A lot.

Okay, I don’t feel like zoning out in my faux-blog anymore. No failing for me! Later skaters.

Drive Faster Boy

Okay, so on Friday I went to see The Kings of Drag with Travis and Justin. They’re this lip syncing troop. And they’re awesome. Like serieously, awesome.

Starting from the beginning, Justin and Trav picked me up from my house at 4:30 and we drove over to Sac State. We got there kind of early, so we walked around the campus for a bit. After that we went to mingle with the gay people. Seriously. So gay. It was awesome.

I met Justin’s new friends. They seem nice but I didn’t talk to them much. Travis and Justin pointed out that I looked straight. Compared to who I was around I guess they were right. I have long hair, I was wearing make up, no rainbow, and wasn’t kissing a girl. Oh wells. :]

The show was awesome. I didn’t really know what to expect. But it was great. They turned these mainstream songs into something political or just hilarious. It was great. I was with my people. Oh, and Mikey Lykesit was so freaking hot. Too bad she’s married.

After Kings of Drag, we went out to eat. That was pretty much just me hang out with Travis. There wasn’t room at the table, so we sat at a booth next to them. That was fine though. Oh, on the way there we listened to Explode and Fer Sure really loudly. Such fun.

After dinner, Justin, Trav, and I went to Jamba. Then we walked around a Walmart… don’t ask. :] Then they dropped me off. Overall it was an excellent night. I enjoyed myself immensely.

We Still Kill The Old Way

Wow. I feel like I haven’t blogged in forever. And honestly, I wish I blogged about my move right after I actually made it. Because now I don’t remember all the details and it seems like old news. Oh well. I guess that is a good place to start at this point.

I moved back to Sacramento a few weeks ago. On the… 28th? I don’t know. The last Saturday of March. I know that much. Anywho, my mother and I picked up Beau around 9:00 and we went to drop stuff off at Good Will. Then we came back and started doing heavy lifting. Lot’s an lot’s of boxes into the huge truck. That was a lot of fun. Not. I should go over who was there: Mom, Dad, Grandma, Uncle Mike, Unlce Phil, cousin Lisa, and cousin Tadashi. Anywho, around 9:30 Travis and Juan came over. I had a lot of help. :] Good boys. Sometime after 10:00 Justin came over and so did Tiffani and George.

After a lot of work we got some pizza. “We” meaning Justin and Beau went to get it. After we ate we were pretty much set to go. And we all drove to Sac. Justin drove my mom’s car with Beau. And I was in the truck with Travis and Juan. So yeah, after we drove to Sac, the boys unloaded the bug and then left. They needed to be back for homework and work. I’m just happy that they could help at all.

We had more helpers on this end though. My Uncle Gary and his boys Cameron and Scott came over. My Uncle Larry and Aunt Judy were also here. My cousins Akemi and Sheri also were here. It was a Yuki Family Effort. :] Not like that’s all of us or anything. Not even close.

I like the stairs now. I did not like them on moving day. Shit feels a whole lot heavier walking up stairs. Fucking killed me.

Yeah, I didn’t have a bed or a dresser or anything really. But I went to Ikea soon after that day and got everything sorted. I still haven’t painted though. Meaning I can’t put my shelves up which means I have 5 huge boxes full of books left in my room. And also… no posters. It’s depressing in here.

Pretty much yeah. The driving is killing me. I wake up at 5:45 and don’t get home until 10:00. That’s a bunch of fun. Not. I wish I could go home after school, but that would be stupid.

And that’s all I have to say about that. I was going to write more about my life, but that would be one huge blog. I’ll just make that another one. :]

P.S. Juan took this awesome picture of the boys (Justin, Travis, and Beau) and me in front of my old house on my old bed (Gregory.)