West of Somewhere

Happy Sigh

Alyssa was here this weekend and it was awesome. The end.

If You’re Thinking

No one gives a shit about my opinion. Not in general, but about smoking and drinking. Mostly this is a rant about smoking. In case you have somehow missed the memo: smoking is disgusting. Smoking of any kind (but I’m mostly talking about cigarettes.) Oh yeah, and it’s bad for you.

I care about my friends, but they don’t seem to care that I care. It makes me fucking sad. Honestly. It’s just not good for you. No one can argue with that. And there is no reason to do it. Yeah, being addicted sucks. That’s why you should never start. In the unfortunate case that you do start smoking and become addicted to them: quit. I know that’s difficult, but at least try. This is not me on my “high and mighty” horse. This me on my “you’re kind of killing yourself and making your lungs gross, I love you and it hurts my heart that you’re doing this” horse.

I just care. Yes, I think that the random smoker on the street has a horrible habit, but I don’t feel the urge to make them stop. If it bothers me, I care about you.

I say no one gives a shit because I’ve been objecting to this kind of behavior for years. No one listens. At least not to me. To other people, sure. To themselves, sure (this one doesn’t bother me, it’s the best option.) To their parents because they were forced. But never to me. Because no one actually gives a shit that it literally pains me. I get that I don’t own anyone, and I wouldn’t want to, I just want people to listen. Take a step back and realize that you’re hurting at least two people. One of them is you (physically) and the other is me (emotionally.)

P.S. Lying and omitting aren’t good options when you don’t want to deal with my concern. Just throwing that out there.

End rant. I feel much better now.

Breathe In Breathe Out

… *Sigh*

Snap Crackle Pop

I got a Tumblr. *Sigh*

Pull Your Little Arrows Out And Let Me Live My Life

I’ve always been one of those quick-to-trust people. Until they fuck up. Even then, I’m still very trusting. Lately I’ve found this not to be the case. I don’t know if that’s good or bad yet.

In other news, Skins made me super sad pandas last night. Naaaaaaaaaaaaomi. :[

Texas? :[

And last, but certainly not least, I’ll be seeing Alyssa in less than a month. Yay!

I’m Waiting For Another Repeat

I’ve been thinking. That kind of self-deprecating, I’m a horrible person, how could anyone ever like me kind of thinking. I don’t think I could be more insecure if I tried. I mean, honestly. I just want to get my shit together. I want to be happy. I want to be happy without waves of anxiety. I just don’t know how to do that. Everything is always worse when I’m alone. When I have time to think myself into more and more stress. When I don’t have support or reality checks.  It doesn’t help me at all that I fucking hate myself when I get like this. It’s weak. There isn’t a better way to put it. I’m self-involved and snappish. It bothers me. I’m happy and then sad, confident and then completely unsure. I’m sick of me. I can’t imagine how the rest of you feel. (By the way, this blog is a perfect example of everything about myself that is bothering me. What. The. Fuck. I’m going to stop now.)

Turn The Volume Up

Alyssa Hedrich made me cry yesterday. But it’s okay, it was with an absolutely gorgeous song.

Stitched back up by Wisconsin Derby Mudflap

I Just Want That Key To Your Head

Yay! I bought the tickets for Travis and myself for the Tegan and Sara show. Sweet. I’m really looking forward to it because, duh, Tegan and Sara! But also because Alyssa is going too! Happy pandas. So as of right now it’ll be Alyssa, Travis, Juan, et moi. Hopefully Beau can come too, because that would be awesome. I think March is going to be a good month. Too bad it’s January.

As If Death Itself Was Undone

I’m not happy. I’m apprehensive. I’m nervous. I have a general lack of trust with the world right now. The only thing that I know for sure is that I don’t feel the same way I did a month ago. Things have changed. I went on an emotional roller coaster, and I’m very much not the same as I was when I got on. I don’t like how I feel now. I’m waiting to snap out of it. I’m meaner than I was before. I think of little other than how I feel. And I’m just… blah. I’m trying to not let it show, because that wouldn’t be good for anyone. Sorry friends. *Hug*

Fated to Pretend

Lying, lying, lying. Why am I so good at lying?